Too late for Eurovision?

What with Bayern Munich somehow contriving to lose a match they dominated, thus consigning my beloved Spurs to the Ropey-Dopey league and threatening a mass exodus of our top top players, plus the continued turmoil in Europe, life's tough all round at the moment. So to cheer us all up, I've written a song. Lyrics below and watch out for a post on Youtube when I get round to it.

Is it too late to get Englebert to drop that slushy number and adopt this classic instead? You never know...it's called:

Let's kick the euro into touch!

(or, Buddy can you spare a centime?)

The Greeks are in big trouble 'cause they've run right out of cash

They riot in the streets and their windows all get smashed

There's empty homes in Ireland, they don't know what to do

The whole wretched Eurozone is mired in the poo...

So let's try and help them out now 'cause they really need a hand

Here's my message of salvation all the way from Eng-er-land...

Oh let's kick the euro into touch!

All this stupid talking, it really is too much

We're sick of seeing stock markets all falling off a cliff

Let's ditch the bloody euro - it's a stiff!

At the end of the millennium they hatched a cunning plot

To tighten their grip over us - it put us on the spot

We'd all have just one currency, oh wasn't it a hoot?

But the project's all gone belly up, let's give the thing the boot...

Oh let's kick the Euro into touch

The idea's just so bonkers - could have come straight from Lord Such

We haven't got the readies to go smokin' with the Dutch

So let's kick the Euro into touch

The drachma and the lire, they disappeared from view

The deutsch mark, the escudo, the Finnish thingy too

Now Berlusconi's bunga-bunga parties need a bung

And Portugal's as useful as a ladder without rungs

So let's kick the Euro into touch

Let's boot it in the long grass, no one likes it very much

The coup de grace is needed, let's kick away its crutch

Yes let's kick the Euro into touch!

The Germans they were thrilled, the Irish gave the punt a punt

Jacques Delors he really loved it but he's just a dim French c*nt

Now the emperor's new clothes have simply vanished in the mist

Dig out that old retsina, let's all go and get pissed!

Yes let's kick the Euro into touch

The pasta costs a fortune now, paella's twice as much

The chicken piri piri's price has gone right through the roof

Yes let's give the Euro one big hoof!

Oh let's kick the Euro into touch

The politicians conned us by talking double dutch

Now the whole damn place is b'rassic

When once we all were flush

So, let's kick the Euro into touch

Yes let's kick the Euro into touch

(We loved the lire)

Oh let's kick the Euro into touch

(And the peseta)

Yes let's kick the Euro into touch!

Pending the Youtube sensation you'll have to make up your own tune but, as a guide, think Mad Dogs and Englishmen. See you at Euorvision...