You read it here first: in one of the most extraordinary moves by any government, ever, London will no longer be the UK's capital. Instead, this honour will transfer to Manchester. It may seem crazy but then there's several precedents: Brazil springs to mind, various African countries I believe have shifted their capitals in recent years and how about the USA? I'm sure the capital was somewhere else before Washington DC came along.
So why is this happening and why choose Manchester? Well the first question's easy to answer: to save money. All those politicians, bureaucrats, judges and bankers will earn a lot less "oop north". And as to the choice of city, well where else? No sensible person could stand the Brummie or Scouse accent for any length of time and Newcastle's just too far away. Plus, although the Geordie accent's not so bad, you can't actually understand what they're saying.
Of course the more canny amongst you won't be too surprised: why do you think the BBC has moved so much of its operation up there? This was the first step of a plan hatched some years back but kept a closely guarded secret, until now. More than that, on BBC Radio 6, even many of the presenters based in London are from the Manchester area. It's a gradual takeover.
Media City: The BBC lay the foundations for Manchester's new era
Plus, Manchester has a lot going for it. It was of course the first city in the world (yes, in the world) to be industrialised. It was the here that the atom was first split and the first computer invented. The University boasts more Nobel prize winners than anywhere else in the UK (well except Oxford and Cambridge but then those places did have a head start of several hundred years) and thanks to the Prof Brian Cox effect, the physics dept. at the University is now, if you rank them on entry requirements, the best in the country (which probably means in the world.)
Physics at Manchester with Prof Brian Cox: it's not called Madchester for nothing you know
Then there's sport. The city boasts the top two football teams in the league. Plus, as most Manchester United supporters don't come from Manchester, that's a good reason for making the place the national centre of attention. Then there's our outstanding Olympic achievement, the cyclists, who have been based at the velodrome in Manchester for many years.
Fit for a toff: new executive housing goes up in Manchester
Culturally, where have most of the best bands come from recently? I refer to the likes of Oasis, Elbow, the Stone Roses, Everything Everything, Doves, the Smiths, Joy Division, Badly Drawn Boy and many others...you can include the Happy Mondays and Inspiral Carpets if you like. I would certainly include Alberto y Lost Trios Paranoias and Cherry Ghost in my top picks and a bit further back you have John Mayall, the Hollies and 10cc. OK, there's also Freddie and the Dreamers and Herman's Hermits but let's not dwell on them...
And if you look down your nose at this noisy pop music, then where was Rufus Wainwright's first opera commissioned and performed? Got it in one. Then you have the Halle Orchestra and the Royal Northern College of Music. And, as my trump card, I give you poetry and the Bard of Salford, John Cooper Clark.
For the icing on the cake, there's the majestic countryside of the Peak District just down the road plus a number of excellent breweries who sell first rate beer at friendly prices. (Holt's, JW Lees, Robinson's, Hyde's take a bow...shame Boddington's has gone.)
Of course it's not all good. It does rain a lot but then that's arguably preferable to the water shortages you get down south. I mentioned the sad loss of Boddington's brewery. Another Manc institution which is sadly no longer with us is the legendary Plaza Cafe. There are a million stories about the extraordinary chicken biryanis (that's pretty much all anyone ate there) served up at all hours of day and night at this famous establishment. Perhaps the best is that of the student diner who missed the whole of his second year at university: he was so violently sick after a Plaza special that he suffered two detached retinas. (Who cares if this is true or not?!)
The sadly missed Plaza Cafe, Upper Brook St., Manchester M13. Prof Brian Cox stands outside pondering the meaning of biryani
So there you have it. Be prepared for much movement up the M6 and some new famous faces amongst the footballers' wives in leafy Cheshire. Cash in now: buy property in Manchester or, if you can't stretch to that, a few shares in a local brewery. Treble pints of Robbie's mild all round!
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