What we did on our holidays - part III

Despite the pressures of never-ending building works, we found time in early December to jet off to India. Yes India! What a place. I tell you, if you go to India you really know you're abroad; no Irish pubs, English newspapers, Starbucks, western chain shops, etc, etc. And not much in the way of western toilets either. Yep, India is definitely foreign. (Although we did come across a MacDonald's and a KFC but I am trying to  forget those cultural aberrations.)

 

Toilets are a big selling point in India

 

We did one of these escorted tour things, a first for us. I heartily recommend them. We were only there about 10 days but we packed in an enormous amount; as well as the usual stuff like the Taj Mahal, we went on a real Indian train (two WCs: one marked "Indian" the other "Western" - apartheid lives! Why not just make them both Western? Plus we learned that a 50p bribe will get you round the smoking restrictions); we rode a rickshaw round Delhi; we saw a tiger in the wild; we drank Kingfisher beer made in India and not, as all UK Kingfisher is, at the Shepherd Neame brewery in decidedly non-Indian Faversham. 

 

Not all Indian wiring would comply with UK building regulations

 

 

 

 

Tiger alert! Yes a real one! Not in a zoo!

 

We were a party of 34 among whom were a couple who recognised us as habitues of a pub not far from here: small world or what? We had an English (well Italian actually) guide to organise us plus a local guide to smooth out the dealings with the locals and to keep up a running commentary as our coach trundled along through the extraordinary Indian traffic. This included driving (deliberately) the wrong way up a dual carriageway for a stretch. As our guide said, in England we have traffic rules which don't really work; in India no one pays a blind bit of notice to traffic rules but somehow it seems to work - we never once saw an accident.

 

 

Some building or other shortly after dawn...sleep deprivation not pictured

 

Yes most Indians are very poor. But they are amazingly happy; they smiled and waved at us as we went by and they rushed to take our picture and have themselves photographed with us. We never felt threatened and while I'm sure that theft is not unknown, I never felt I was a likely victim. Given the wealth disparity between the average Indian and the average tourist, this is amazing.

 

So what did we learn? Among other things, the following:

 

• There are more than 300 million Hindu gods, including an Enfield motorbike.
• Nearly all Indian marriages are arranged but the divorce rate is tiny.
• It's hard to get a beer in India, they're not big drinkers. And although prices generally are, to us, very low, a beer in a top hotel can cost a fortune.

 

One reason why getting a beer can be a struggle?

• The most popular roadside snack seems to be not samosas or puris but peanuts in their shells.
• It's true: Indian food in the UK is generally better than Indian food in India
• If visiting India, do not even think of hiring a car.

 

 

Pimp my ride, India style

 

 

• Few Indians speak English and even fewer can read and write it but despite this, the driving test is in English. This is one reason why driving licences tend not to be acquired by what we would think of as conventional means.

 

 

What do you mean it only seats 4?

• MacDonald's in India have a special menu featuring spicy vegetarian burgers.

 

What's "go large!" in Hindi?

• Most Indians are vegetarian and it's best to adopt a "when in Rome..." policy when dining out.
• The local hawkers are persistence personified. But do buy something - the stuff is cheap and even cheaper when you haggle.
• Someone from a lower caste will not sit at the same level when with someone from a higher caste, even if invited to do so.
• It's the man who wears the trousers in Indian families. Most of them seem to sit around all day while the women work, even doing road repairs.

 

We learned a ton of other stuff but that'll do. I urge you to visit and see for yourself. Bring me back some more poppadoms as our stock is now running low...not to mention the duty free smokes which are so cheap they're almost free...

 

 

Some of the hotels are not at all bad. This beats a Travelodge