Flooded? Better call Saul!

Hi there folks - Saul Goodman, attorney at law, here. I know some of you have been dealt a rough hand by the recent weather in parts of the UK. As you try and salvage the pitiful remains of your possessions, tears adding to the flood waters as they splash onto that new TV you got for Christmas, or that photo of your late Auntie Hilda, you may be despairing at any chances of recompense. I'm here to tell you that you couldn't be more wrong.

 

OK, so you forgot to renew your insurance - that's assuming you can get any for a house on a flood plain but that's no reason you can't get your hands on the folding stuff. Hey, the reverse is the case; insurers always find a way to weasel out of paying up don't they? It's much harder to dodge your obligations when you've got the weight of the legal system bearing down on you.

 

 

 

 

Here in the US of A, we've had temperatures so low it gave another meaning to frozen assets, even down here in the Land of Enchantment (that's the state of New Mexico to you good people). But I'm happy to tell you I got my clients a bundle of $$$$$. How come Saul? I hear you ask. Well the possibilities are endless: you've got the negligent weather forecasters, and they're usually backed by those deep-pocketed TV stations; did your automobile vendor give you proper warning of snow hazards? How about the stores that failed to stock up properly on shovels, salt, grit, de-icer, sledges, to say nothing of their lack of sufficient canned food. Perhaps you have a young child? This lack of proper winter food might have led to malnutrition and consequent long-term bone and even brain damage. That's a mighty big claim there friends - but the likes of Walmart have a pile of cash and don't you think they'd rather part with a bit of this rather than having their good name mauled in the law courts? You're damn right they would.

 

So let me  give you the benefit of my experience. You may think floods are an act of God and you can't sue the Big Man, right? Wrong. The Lord has his representatives on earth and there's banks in Rome that are used to paying out to cleanse these people's consciences. Know what I'm saying?

 

So do yourself a favour. Put down that bucket for five minutes; strip off your waders and tie up that dinghy for just long enough to make that phone call which'll dry you out in no time, to say nothing of providing for that college education little Wayne never thought he'd get. Call me now!

 

Up to your waist in the watery brown stuff? Better call Saul!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Interactive white board economics - an update

Keen readers will remember my exciting new economic forecasting tool based on the spread of interactive white boards in schools. Other items of dodgy gadgetry apply. Well I thought you'd be interested to hear that the school I mentioned as having dished out ipads to all its "students" (why is it never "pupils" any more?) had surpassed itself. GCSE results have collapsed (and they weren't great in the first place) and on this basis, it is apparently now the 43rd worst school in the whole country. Yes you read right - that's country not county.

 

I expect their response will be to spend more of our money on some new technological initiative...smart phones for all, perhaps.

 

After all, this level of failure doesn't come cheap. Did I mention that this school enjoys brand new buildings? And then there's the staffing. When you drive past, you're struck by the size of the car park and the number of cars. Clearly these don't belong to the kids, virtually none of whom are old enough to drive, so they must have staffing levels undreamed of when I was a lad. Not only that, but the car park is illuminated after dark (and long after the school's closed) and so is the flashy neon school name sign and logo thing.  Now our school had no lights in what passed for a car park and no neon sign. Why is it that schools nowadays need these things, and countless admin staff and how come we can afford this when the country is broke?

 

And why do we reward failure like this?

 

Damned if I know but much more of this and I can see another impending economic disaster on the horizon. Alert the Treasury!

Breaking Bad - Better call Saul! US TV can be very good

The flight to India is quite a long one. While waiting to attract the attention of a stewardess to get another free beer, we watched some stuff on these natty in-flight personal entertainment things you get nowadays.

 

I'd heard of the TV series Breaking Bad but had never seen it as it wasn't shown on a normal UK TV channel. I think actually it was in my mind as the final episode was not long before we went to India. But anyway, they had the first series on the plane. We were gripped. We don't normally go in for this box set business but Christmas was coming, and so...

 

There are in fact 5 series of Breaking Bad and since Christmas we have spent much of our free time ploughing through all 60 or so episodes. We've got 2 to go so for God's sake don't tell me how it ends!

 

One of our favourite characters in the show is dodgy lawyer Saul Goodman (not his real name but he thought people liked their lawyers to have Jewish names). It seems we're not the only ones to be Saul fans as the company who made Breaking Bad are to give Saul his own show, by way of a BB prequel. It should be great, even if you've never seen BB.

 

 

 

To get a flavour of this, Saul has his own web-site..the link is below. If like me, you think there is no better target for satire than lawyers then check it out...hilarious!

 

Remember: don't drink and drive but if you do, call Saul...

 

And if this makes you want to check out Breaking Bad, it'll be money well spent.

 

DUI? Dealing Drugs? Better Call Saul!

 

 

What we did on our holidays - part III

Despite the pressures of never-ending building works, we found time in early December to jet off to India. Yes India! What a place. I tell you, if you go to India you really know you're abroad; no Irish pubs, English newspapers, Starbucks, western chain shops, etc, etc. And not much in the way of western toilets either. Yep, India is definitely foreign. (Although we did come across a MacDonald's and a KFC but I am trying to  forget those cultural aberrations.)

 

Toilets are a big selling point in India

 

We did one of these escorted tour things, a first for us. I heartily recommend them. We were only there about 10 days but we packed in an enormous amount; as well as the usual stuff like the Taj Mahal, we went on a real Indian train (two WCs: one marked "Indian" the other "Western" - apartheid lives! Why not just make them both Western? Plus we learned that a 50p bribe will get you round the smoking restrictions); we rode a rickshaw round Delhi; we saw a tiger in the wild; we drank Kingfisher beer made in India and not, as all UK Kingfisher is, at the Shepherd Neame brewery in decidedly non-Indian Faversham. 

 

Not all Indian wiring would comply with UK building regulations

 

 

 

 

Tiger alert! Yes a real one! Not in a zoo!

 

We were a party of 34 among whom were a couple who recognised us as habitues of a pub not far from here: small world or what? We had an English (well Italian actually) guide to organise us plus a local guide to smooth out the dealings with the locals and to keep up a running commentary as our coach trundled along through the extraordinary Indian traffic. This included driving (deliberately) the wrong way up a dual carriageway for a stretch. As our guide said, in England we have traffic rules which don't really work; in India no one pays a blind bit of notice to traffic rules but somehow it seems to work - we never once saw an accident.

 

 

Some building or other shortly after dawn...sleep deprivation not pictured

 

Yes most Indians are very poor. But they are amazingly happy; they smiled and waved at us as we went by and they rushed to take our picture and have themselves photographed with us. We never felt threatened and while I'm sure that theft is not unknown, I never felt I was a likely victim. Given the wealth disparity between the average Indian and the average tourist, this is amazing.

 

So what did we learn? Among other things, the following:

 

• There are more than 300 million Hindu gods, including an Enfield motorbike.
• Nearly all Indian marriages are arranged but the divorce rate is tiny.
• It's hard to get a beer in India, they're not big drinkers. And although prices generally are, to us, very low, a beer in a top hotel can cost a fortune.

 

One reason why getting a beer can be a struggle?

• The most popular roadside snack seems to be not samosas or puris but peanuts in their shells.
• It's true: Indian food in the UK is generally better than Indian food in India
• If visiting India, do not even think of hiring a car.

 

 

Pimp my ride, India style

 

 

• Few Indians speak English and even fewer can read and write it but despite this, the driving test is in English. This is one reason why driving licences tend not to be acquired by what we would think of as conventional means.

 

 

What do you mean it only seats 4?

• MacDonald's in India have a special menu featuring spicy vegetarian burgers.

 

What's "go large!" in Hindi?

• Most Indians are vegetarian and it's best to adopt a "when in Rome..." policy when dining out.
• The local hawkers are persistence personified. But do buy something - the stuff is cheap and even cheaper when you haggle.
• Someone from a lower caste will not sit at the same level when with someone from a higher caste, even if invited to do so.
• It's the man who wears the trousers in Indian families. Most of them seem to sit around all day while the women work, even doing road repairs.

 

We learned a ton of other stuff but that'll do. I urge you to visit and see for yourself. Bring me back some more poppadoms as our stock is now running low...not to mention the duty free smokes which are so cheap they're almost free...

 

 

Some of the hotels are not at all bad. This beats a Travelodge

 

Economic boom - latest

Hi folks. I apologise for recent blog silence. Really there is no excuse but we were preoccupied for some time by our building works, which rapidly precipitated more works as we needed to tart up the room used as a music room and now largely emptied thanks to completion of new music room over the garage.

 

This second chunk of works entailed organising a plumber (to remove the old radiator then come back when all was finished to install new radiator); an electrician to sort out the electrical mess in the room; a plasterer to replaster the whole thing (which was especially important as the walls are kind of wattle and daub and were somewhat dodgy in places); a builder, to put an air brick in a blocked up chimney breast,  plus us two to strip off the woodchip wallpaper and to redecorate and also to put new ironmongery on the windows. This sounds easy but extracting those old screws was anything but, plus of course the new latches were not quite the right size, so...more work.

 

All this lot, which probably amounts to no more than a week's work in total, took around two months to complete. Why is it so hard to find someone who can come in for a week and do the whole thing? Not that we even tried as, luckily, we know a good plasterer, electrician, etc., etc. But once again I am made aware that there is plenty of work around for tradesmen.

 

Oh, and as well as the new building, we then had to replace some dilapidated fencing and get part of the many miles of paths which snake throughout Marshside Acres relaid.

 

Anyway, I now can sit and blog to you in refurbished luxury, toes warming on the shiny new radiator (well not at the moment - have you seen the price of heating oil?) and while so doing, I can gaze out at the new garage featuring the Marshside Hit Factory on the first floor. I know you're now wondering what exactly in the way of "hits" has emanated from this soon-to-be-legendary recording venue. Well if I can figure out the technology, I may well try and post something; watch (or rather listen to) this space... 

 

In the meantime, here's a photo of the new building, to compare with the previous one of cement and mud...

 

More blogging anon!

 

 

The Marshside Hit Factory. (Hits not pictured.)