"I'm a level 5 vegan...

...I don't eat anything that casts a shadow." One of the great lines from that best modern source for great lines, the Simpsons. As usual, they have hit the nail firmly on the head with their finely-honed satirical hammer. Just what is it with these faddy people who want to feel somehow better than others because of what they eat, or what they don't eat? Now I'm not talking about those who adhere to certain diets for religious reasons. Mind you, there may well have been very good health reasons for not eating pork many years ago - such good reasons in fact that Jews and Muslims agree on this point -  but surely not any more? Why not "modernise" (to use one of my most detested words...alongside "lager" and "Arsenal")?  But I'll leave that for another day. In fact maybe for ever. I don't particularly want to get into religious debate. The Marshside blog seeks to be non-denominational and even "inclusive" (there goes another of those hated words.)

But this business in Germany has made me wonder if the fact that the source of the illness was bean sprouts was not some kind of divine intervention. I don't know if they were "organic" bean sprouts but any kind of bean sprout seems to fit the bill here. My guess is that they were covered in some kind of organic fertiliser, i.e. feces of one sort or another, which was not terribly good for the old constitution. This is no laughing matter of course as a lot of people lost their lives but I think it just serves to prove what all right-thinking people already knew, that organic stuff is to be avoided.

I always steer clear of anything labelled organic like the plague, or like the e-coli. The reasons for this are that in the retail food trade, the word "organic" is a synonym for "high margins" which to you and me means "this way suckers" or "I saw you coming" (see earlier post). It isn't better for you health-wise, it just makes you feel superior. I guess it's maybe beneficial for your mental health but...

What we need is shops that guarantee to sell nothing organic and even better, everything genetically modified. I'm all for GM food. You've noticed that food prices have been rocketing. That's because the world is not producing enough. A lot of people in the world are hungry. They need cheap food that isn't going to poison them and non-organic GM food is the answer. The next time you're tempted by a few organic raspberries in Waitrose, ask yourself whether, by supporting the farmer who used his land to produce this over-priced delicacy, you are helping the world become a better place. Or are you just lining someone's pockets at the expense of those who are desperate for some GM grain at a price they can afford and don't give a stuff if it comes to them courtesy of a few vats of heavy-duty non-organic fertiliser?

Oh, and to return to our opening theme, here's my vote for the best comedy line of recent years, if not ever. It's from the Simpsons again and is in a letter to Homer from the New York parking authorities: "If you fail to remedy this malparkage immediately, your car will be thrown into the East River, at your expense." I think I could write an entire book on why this line is so funny. Other nominations? Leave a comment...